


Bad Habit

by tangerinecoffee



Category: Winner (Band)
Genre: M/M, Seventeen's "Habit", after the latest radio show (81417), late night, namsong - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-16
Updated: 2017-08-16
Packaged: 2018-12-16 02:54:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11819751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tangerinecoffee/pseuds/tangerinecoffee
Summary: Taehyun steps out of the radio show building, a lot of things filling his mind. Thoughts he didn't really want to think of.





	Bad Habit

**Author's Note:**

> "Habit" / "Habitual Words" by Seventeen's Vocal Unit ( I fell in love with this song. :'( )

 

 

 

_Even if I continue to meet someone_   
_And laugh like haha hoho_   
_There’s nothing that has changed_

 

Taehyun stepped into the streets with a frown hanging on his lips. The inky night sky showcased no stars or moon and the tired yawn threatening to escape from his mouth made him remember just how tired he was.

Well to be perfectly honest he had been tired of life in general for the past days. Weeks? He lost count. 

It had been a long day. Not only with his schedules and work slowly piling up, but also with the continuous train of thoughts of just giving up eating him at every chance it had, making him doubt himself. 

Doubt.

Was he actually wrong in choosing a new path? In choosing to leave everything behind to aspire for something he really wanted? 

He was sure of what he wanted before. And that still hasn’t changed. But at times, just sometimes, he wasn’t so sure anymore. Sometimes drowning in the illusion of comfortability seemed easier and he wished he hasn’t left. 

He looked up at the sky again. It was blank darkness. Will he be able to sleep tonight? Maybe he wouldn’t take his sleeping pills again because it would be detrimental to his body. But he really wanted to sleep so maybe he’ll take a pill or two. Or maybe not. 

How will he sleep? 

Taehyun sighed and dragged himself to continue walking for a while. It had been easier to finally clarify things and tell everyone what he really was going through. 

He doesn’t need to ask for anyone’s permission anymore so he was free to do what he wants, say what he wants. He could just be his real self. 

It felt nice. To take reigns of his own life and show his true self to those who actually care. Or do they? Taehyun doesn’t mind if they don’t. He’d been filtering himself too much before until he realized he was losing sight of who he really is. He wouldn’t make the same mistake.

He hoped he could still tell everything he was going through to someone who would understand.

How nice would it be if he could still vent on Minho? 

Maybe it would be easier, somehow easier, if he didn’t ask Minho to get away from him for the time being.

Ah, Minho. How is he doing these days?

 

_When I just think about you_   
_You who is somewhere laughing_   
_I feel like I’m losing_   
_I seem like quite a fool_

 

Minho might have been partying somewhere. Attending some radio show. Taking interviews in someplace. All the glitz and glamour Taehyun let go of in exchange of taking his life to the direction he wanted to. He feels stupid though, for thinking that Minho was happy somewhere else while he stays in his studio, feeling alone and lonely.

Or Minho might also be staring up at the same sky Taehyun is now. 

Minho doesn’t owe him anything. And above all, it was him who asked Minho to stay away from him and stop contacting him. He can’t always be letting Minho be okay with his sudden bursts of anger and his mood swings. Even if Minho knew his situation, even if he knew so well, Taehyun thought Minho doesn’t deserve to stay with someone like him. 

But at times, like tonight, Taehyun wished that somehow, Minho is having a hard time and was thinking of him too.

You’re really selfish, Nam Taehyun. Too selfish.

 

_I would rather you have a bit more of a harder time_   
_I would like it if you had a hard time and thought about me for a bit_   
_I also want to act like I’m okay but_

 

It had really become a bad habit. 

To want and ask Minho to think more of him and let him have a hard time figuring him out. It was very cruel. And he doesn’t want himself thinking of that.

Because it was childish. And unfair. 

“Minho,” Taehyun cupped his hands over his lips and cursed. Calling Minho’s name out loud so suddenly without any reason at all had also became one of his bad habits. Sometimes he would even say it unprecedentedly while practicing and the others would look at him weirdly but wouldn’t ask any of it. 

Because he wouldn’t answer them anyway. 

No one has really figured him out more than Minho had. 

He remembered being too close to Minho that one call of his name and everything would be okay.

Those days were so distant now.

 

_As I feel my lips that used to always call you go completely dry_   
_I realized it, like a habit that I used to yearn and call for you_   
_I want to embrace you and laugh like back then_   
_I want to tell you that_

 

Taehyun hailed a taxi and watched the city lights went pass him. How many people had been laughing all night long after a hard day’s work? How many had come home and hugged their families? How many had their first heartbreaks? How many had an argument with their lovers and was crying? He had a lot of things in his head as he reached for his mobile and hovered his fingertips over Minho’s number.

How many had decided to give up their pretenses and run to where their hearts really lay?

He asked the taxi to pull over and he got out after paying, still thinking of what he should do. 

Should he be selfish and call Minho?

“You’re out late.”

Taehyun snapped his neck to where the voice came from and he let go of the thought. There, under the street light, he saw Minho slowly getting up and he smiled at him with the same smile Taehyun thought he'd already forgotten.

Ah, whatever. He'll just be selfish, even if it's just for tonight. 

 

_Without me knowing why_   
_I look for you_   
_Saying that I want to forget_   
_Must have been a lie_

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Taehyun's Erin Van Vuren quote post reminded me of a chapter in my work "Words" where Minho sent him a quote by the same Erin, so here I am. Coincidences.


End file.
